Don't make me your enemy

This week served as proof that even I couldn't deny that I've made progress, am changing, and figuring out the puzzle that is bipolar disorder. 

The person I was a year ago would've torn anyone who questioned my ability to care for and teach children to ribbons at any cost, even the cost of my job. 

The person I am now was able to hold back all the venomous (albeit true) facts and observations that I would've spat just to hurt the other person. 

It's much more difficult than people think to have interactions with people without acting like each and every differing opinion or disagreement is a world war and I'm the battle leader. I work hard to keep myself in check and when you have bipolar disorder sometimes it's impossible to know if you were successful at doing this. 

You extend so much trust in the people around you to tell you the truth, good or bad. I guess I can't explain it any other way than a blind person trying to get dressed for a specific event left alone without help to try and figure out what he should wear. 

Sometimes I miss the vicious person I would revert to at the slightest drop of negativity, and that part of me is alive and well, I held him back when I was attacked this week. I can see clearly now why that part of me really accomplishes nothing other than usually making the problem worse or making me feel good for a few hours. 

Now I've got other weapons and strategies in my arsenal that actually work but most importantly I'm not hurting anyone I care about. 

Wicked witch

I've been in the education field for almost 12 years. 

I've seen every kind of parent imaginable and even some your wildest dreams couldn't even conjure up. 

I am not a parent. I could dilute myself into thinking I'm mommy to my beloved parrot but I don't see the point. 

I may never know what it's truly like to have my own child and truly experience the vastness that parenthood is. On this matter I'm ambivalent. 

But if there is one fact that cannot be disputed it's that I know children in a professional capacity. 

I don't think it hinders my ability to teach, care for, and form attachments with my students. I've seen parents who make incredible teachers and parents who are teachers but would be better suited to bagging groceries. We're all human and we all have our strengths and weaknesses. 

Today, just when I thought I'd seen it all I was attacked by a parent. 

Why? You might ask. For wanting to clarify to what degree her child wasn't able to participate in our Halloween festivities. 

I pity this parent to whom I refer to as parent as only to clarify that the child in this situation is biologically hers. I do not consider her a parent. 

To be a parent by my definition you have to put your child's needs above yours no matter what circumstance you are playing victim to. 

As this parent screamed at me, child on her hip, questioning my ability to read, proclaiming I was stupid, and trying to be the child's father who had recently met his untimely but now understandable demise, the room around me started to slow down. 

I looked at the child and I was shocked that she didn't so much as bat an eyelash at her mother swearing and giving a tongue lashing to another adult. 

How tragic that this child has this adult and this adult only as a role model. 

My mother was and is a single mother herself. I look up to her because of the examples she set before me and I became the respectful person I am today by being taught early on yelling, screaming, and verbally abusing someone wasn't always the appropriate way to deal with a situation. Sometimes compassion, understanding, and putting yourself in that person’s shoes would get you farther. 

As I repeated what my intention was by sending out a mass text to all parents about our Halloween festivities over and over it became increasingly clear to me this women had no intention of breaking the cycle of victimization and verbal abuse. 

She, no matter what I do or say or suggest, is going to take a sweet innocent child and make her toxic just like herself. 

Her opinion of me really has no baring on how I see myself as an educator. Her child isn't even my student. If calling me stupid and questioning whether or not I had basic skills and abilities makes her feel better about herself what can I do? 

I could spit out a baker’s dozen of insults right back but I don't want to show her child that everyone in the world is like her mother. 

Extinct

I've been in the field of child care for almost 12 years in various roles. Assistant, floater, lead floater, lead, and sometimes just a warm body in the corner that counted as maintaining ratio. 

I've worked with ages as young as 6 months and as old as 12. 

In my career I have watched the slow but consistent degradation of what a child care establishment could be thanks to the state but this round of changes and adjustments to the already lengthy packet of rules and regulations have really inhibited what a teacher can do and has made many teachers walk away to what I consider lesser jobs such as retail to avoid the micromanagement of the state. 

When one looks at what the state the expects and demands from a teacher or the like and holds it next to what teachers make (which is below the poverty level) it doesn't add up. 

I'm exploring the theme of Dinosaurs with my students because with the bluray release of Jurassic World the interest has been reignited. 

No, I don't expect to show the children the movie and yes I can see why parents would have opposition to that idea considering we live in a society where mollycoddling is the most popular parenting style. 

I have 3 educational miniseries on DVD on dinosaurs that I have utilized as a teaching tool for years. It's still quite amazing and captivating to children year after year. It is solely educational documentaries. 

It serves a purpose (no, not sitting children in front of the tv and turn the tv into a babysitter) and provides information I either cannot or have no way to. It's not as if I can have all the children hop on a bus magic school bus style and have them see actual dinosaurs. Walking with dinosaurs is as close as it will get to seeing an extinct species in action. 

The state has decided that one area that deserved their attention was movies and their use. Movies are not allowed to be shown for entertainment purposes and must be theme related. 

It boils my blood that some big wig from the state who is so far removed from what childcare actually is has the final say as to whether or not a visual aid I chose is or is not of value. 

Most OCFS workers wouldn't know the educational worth of a text book let alone a few miniseries. 

The state expects people like myself to obtain a CDA credential. It takes about a year and makes anyone who completes it eligible to be a lead teacher. 

But is there really any need for a lead teacher when the state is making decisions for us? How long before the state starts handing out curriculum and lesson plans so any pride or joy you could take from your work is completely obliterated?

I'm also so very tired of hearing people discuss STEM when the states as made it impossible to in cooperate it into our classroom as there is no wiggle room on the use of tablets and computers. 

Government and education should be separate. And no human being willing to work a thousand times harder than any McDonalds worker but earns minimum wage should be poked, prodded, and micro managed by disillusioned has been teachers. 

Jurassic World

I had a student today pick up my paperback copy of Jurassic Park. I didn't run to snatch it out of their hands because I use a magnetic bookmark and even if they had taken it out the exploration of real literature was worth the possible cost me having to reread a few pages to find my spot. 

They looked at the cover and felt the once again familiar Jurassic Park logo embossed on the cover. Then they peered inside, wide eyed at how many pages there were and how the closest thing to a picture were charts. 

They put the book on my lap and after giving me a once over said “Mr. John? Why do you like to read so much?” 

“Um well there's a bunch of answers to that question but mostly because it's one of the only things I'm good at and let's me escape” I answered. 

The child looked perplexed and then looked down at the book again. 

“Escape? Why do you want to escape?” The child said sitting down next to me. I don't believe in lying to children. If people had been more truthful with me about what was to come the road would have been a lot less bumpy. 

I looked at my student and I said “because sometimes where you are can get boring or make you sad but you can't really leave. And even if you could you probably wouldn't want to so I guess it's more like a break” 

The student looked down at the book again and winced at the silhouetted dinosaur on the front cover and look back up at me. “Well you must be really sad or bored to want to take a break where dinosaurs could eat you”

Hello

Adele’s new song “Hello” has opened up a river wounds I thought had long sense scarred over. 

I make light of me being homosexual as a way to show people you need not be afraid and it honestly doesn't make me any more different from them. But the end of that sentence is a lie. 

The pond of fish I have to fish from is so small it might as well be a puddle.

I could go on for pages about how shallow, vapid and self centered gay men are but I'm not in the habit of wasting time. 

Adele’s new song reminded me of two former relationships.

The first felt as though I finally got to live the fairy tale. He was tall, dark, and handsome and for added allure foreign. At the time it was like he was magic. He brought with him things I had never seen or dared to dream about and he made me feel like I had worth, that I was beautiful and desirable.

I can honestly say since the day he abruptly left America there hasn't been a day where I don't think of him or wonder what he is doing. 

I can remember his scent. It was this ridiculously named cologne named Joop!  I can't still feel his arms around me and hear the German he would whisper in my ear as we just laid together and for once time stopped. 

He asked me to marry him. I said yes without hesitation and then he was gone. 

Then I think of Tom. An ex marine who I thought was my second chance I wasn't suppose to have. 

I met Tom working on a Friday pay. I would catch him staring at me from across the weird yoga studio we all had to rehearse in. I figured he was trying to piece together some intellectual insult about my appearance but I was wrong. He was staring at me because he wanted me and shortly after this took me on a date. 

I found Tom ridiculously adorable and he threw around money like it was trash. He took me like places I only dreamed of going and showered me in gifts. Then that stopped. He slowly turned into a completely angry vile person finding more and more faults with me and trying to keep track of my finances, which as a teacher are just enough to to pay the bills.

Funny coincidence- I never got to say goodbye to either one of them. No, as far as I know they aren't dead and I hope they have found happiness in their lives.

But like Adele I would like to say Hello from the other side so they too know I survived and I'm ok with just me. 

"We'll be brothers forever"

I know the reason I love the Jurassic Park franchise is because it represents my childhood. A time where anything seemed possible, even dinosaurs being brought back to life. 

I remember playing with my twin in our backyard. Sometimes we were hiding out and being chased by rogue dinosaurs and sometimes one of us was the dinosaur. Jurassic Park was also one of my first chapter books [ask my mom. I didn't have time for Dr. Seuss and all his non-sense]). 

My mom took my twin and I to Dinosaurs Alive! around the time the first Jurassic Park movie came out. We both loved it but I'll never forget my twin’s reaction to the T-Rex. He was horrified and I instinctively knew it wasn't the kid of fear you could just laugh at. Even though I wanted to stay while the life-like animatronic dinosaur finished its routine I took his hand and brought him to a quiet place. 

We grew up and things changed. 

He found his confidence and didn't need his twin to meet him in adjoining bathroom of the classroom to hold him until he could calm down and knew we'd see mom in a little while. He didn't need his twin as playmate when there were so many other boys in his class who wanted to play Power Rangers and there didn't even have to be a pink one. 

While these changes slowly crept up on both of us I didn’t realize that for as much as he needed me I needed him. But by the time I realized that the war on myself and my sexuality had started and I learned quickly not to trust anyone but my mother. 

I always catch flack from people for liking so many thing. I don't know why. Maybe their minds only have enough sections and room to hold on to a few interests at one time or (and I know this is true for some people) can't stand to see something make someone happy. 

But I held on to Jurassic Park because, yes I love dinosaurs and the books and the movies, it represents a time and space where I had a brother. Our relationship hadn't been tainted by my acting like a feral animal because I had grown use to most anyone approaching me doing so for horrible reasons, or later by his girlfriend choosing me as friend over him as a boyfriend. 

What I find ironic is the brothers is Jurassic World. It really almost makes it hard to watch. They reconnect, that invisible bond that makes them brothers is healed and they survive. 

My experience as a brother hasn't been in vain. Short, yes, but in retrospect taught me a lot. 

I had two boys in my class. I watched and observed like I usually do when I first get new students and I watched day after day as the older brother treated the other horribly. Taking advantage of the fact his brother was younger than him. 

One morning I had the older brother sit down with me as we ate breakfast. I asked “why do you treat your brother like crap?” I thought he was going to spit his yogurt all over me. Once he regained composure he said “I don't. He littler than me”. I took a bite out of my bagel and said “you do. You treat him like crap. He wants to play with you, you either literally push him away or find enough other children to play so he can't. You call him names and tell the other kids it's ok to call him names too”. The child put down his spoon and looked at me. “So? When we’re home he still wants to play with me and watch movies with me” 

I don't often look children directly in the eye. It's not considered dominant body language by just dogs. But I looked him right in the eyes and said, calmly “I was a brother once. Just like you. Now I'm not”. The student looked me up down trying to figure out why I was speaking in past tense. “Why not? Did your brother die?” He asked. “Nope. One day we both came home and he wanted nothing to do with me. He had finally had it and it was too late for me to undo it. And here I am telling you this 15 years later and he still won't have anything to do with me. So even if you aren't going to do it for yourself, try for me. Let him in on some of your games. Let him help you build that castle. Let him hug you while people are watching. Someday you're going to want him around, you're going to need him just like he needs you now. Don't screw that up forever”. 

Jurassic juniors

When me and my twin brother were young there were very few things we weren't allowed to watch or see. The only stipulation being she was present. 

I was the only kid in my class who got to MTV’s VMAs, see the nightmare before Christmas and all the Jurassic park films and the exorcist (which, to this day I still regret begging to see it). 

Now we live in a candy coated cotton candy cloud covered reality where children are handled intellectually like China dolls. 

I hadn't thought about this in a long time until Jurassic World was released last week (I saw it twice with a student of mine, once with my mother, and once alone. I'll admit I'm probably always going to be heavily interested in dinosaurs but we’ll address that later if I remember). 

I had been counting down the days until it was being released on bluray. Well as the days passed and I got closer to the release date I thought to myself “I can't wait to show the kids!”.  Then reality fell down around me and I realized I couldn't. And even if I wanted to attempt to I'd require a permission slip signed by every parent. 

We live in a drastically different world now. 

Jurassic World is rated PG-13. Mainly for the violence caused by the dinosaurs. And judging from past experience at other schools most parents would see PG-13 and toss the permission slip in the trash, not seeing how this movie could open up an entire world of learning.

“Well what if my child is scared?” …if your child is frightened by long extinct animals simple explain there is no way this could happen. The dinosaurs have been dead for millions of years and to save their fear for actual scary things like poisoned Halloween candy. 

It saddens me that I'm not able to share one of the best experiences of my childhood. 

Instead of removing the “temptation” my mom would experience with it. Explaining things and having an active dialogue so we got something more from whatever media outlet we showed interest in. 

Luckily for me a lot of my students saw the movie over the summer and to not only disprove some mother’s opinions I harnessed the interest of Jurassic World to teach the children about dinosaurs. 

My favorite part of the lesson was my students and I having a “cooperate” meeting to start our own Jurassic Park. What dinosaurs we would or would not want in our park. How we would keep them contained. And most importantly should we recreate dinosaurs should we?

Another prime example of how the world has changed for children since I was a child hit me in the face while we Watched Hocus Pocus. 

I loved this movie as a child and still do as an adult but even though it's rated PG and made by Disney the word virgin is said a ridiculous amount of times. I never noticed because as a child I already knew what one was and as an adult it really isn't a draw dropping word. 

Naturally, because preschool teachers are forced to be hyper sensitive, the word hit me like a slap in the face each time one of the characters said it. I was just waiting for one of the kids to ask what it meant. It seemed like I was home free and then a student blurted out “what's a virgin?” I instantly tensed and was searching my brain for some vague way to answer when another child blurted out “it's a person who doesn't eat meat! Duh!”.  I didn't bother to correct.

I guess I'd believe mollycoddling worked if these children, completely removed from media, weren't shooting up schools or selling drugs. 

Discipline

“My child doesn't behave this well for me” is probably the number one statement/ complaint I've heard in my career no matter what school I was working at. Usually followed by “how do you get him/her to do it?!”

I don't think parents realize how much time it would take to get them to understand how I function and how I expect the kids to function, but regardless I'll offer up some helpful tips that may or may not work with your child. 

The first thought you need to vanish from your mind is that your child is bad. They aren't. You might hate the way the act or the things they do with a passion that can only be trumped by Saran but children and people aren't what they do. Two separate planets. 

Do I believe it's possible for children to be innately bad? Absolutely. There are adults who are innately bad and they didn't just pop out their mother adult sized. 

More importantly and more easily proven is that children are products of their environment. Positive or negative. 

I also find a child’s actions are a direct reflection of that child's environment as well. 

NO! I do not mean all parents everywhere are turning their children into “bad people” or demonstrating unwanted behaviors before them. I'm simply stating the route of the problem is usually firmly planted at home and with a few changes and absolute follow through these behaviors could leassen or disappear. 

So here goes:

First and foremost- DON’T GIVE YOUR CHILD A TIME OUT! They don't work. If they did I'd be teaching perfect Angels and you would t be reading this. 

It's just a proven fact that time out doesn't work given the cognitive abilities your child has. 

It might make you feel better (and don't feel guilty if you do!)to see your child sitting or standing in the corner on the rare occasion they'll listen but they don't learn anything from it and it usually adds to the problem, fanning the flame as it were. 

I know what you're thinking “WAIT! My best weapon in my arsenal is being taking away? What the hell am I suppose to do now?!!” 

Yes, time out needs to go out the window and never return. Instead we’re going to offer them breaks. As you're reading the explanation of this method I developed you'll see it sort of mirrors time out and I can almost guarantee you won't want to try it all. 

So “breaks”. They can happy anywhere. Home, the mall, restaurants, basically any place you take your kids and there's at least one place they can sit on the floor or ground. 

So let's say Edward is refusing to clean up a mess he created? Firstly- DON’T YOU DARE CLEAN THAT MESS UP! If your child has the ability to make the mess they use those same fine motor skills to clean up. 

So back to Edward. You asked twice and he either ignores you or flat out refuses and has a tantrum. Stop! Tantrums are fine! Children think of they yell and cry loud enough they can get out what is being asked of them. 

If a tantrum occurs, let it happen. As long as your child is in a place where they are safe it isn't going to hurt them. 

Do not let Edward know this bothers you. Keep your voice calm and level at all costs (it's going to take practice) and tell Edward calmly he has until the count of 3 to clean up his toys. If by 3 he doesn't he will have to sit on a designated area on the floor with a book or puzzle. No, this isn't rewarding him. You're giving him the choice between 2 activities he probably never would pick on his own. 

Give Edward a moment. If he recovers, awesome. And by recovering I don't mean he stops the tantrum and you clean up. I mean he stops the tantrum and cleans up. If can do this celebrate that although you can see he doesn't like it you're happy and proud he is doing it. 

If the tantrum hasn't stopped, in a calm but firm tone tell that's one. Count to ten in your mind. If it hasn't stopped count 2. DO NOT REPEAT WITH EACH NUMBER WHAT HE HAS TO DO! He knows otherwise he wouldn't know he didn't want to do it. 

If the tantrum hasn't stopped by 3 let Edward know you're taking him to the calm area. Scoops him up or pick him up by his trunk and place him on that designated are with a book or a puzzle that doesn't have have a lot of pieces. 

Chances are Edward will push whatever you give him away and this is fine. He wants you to loose your cool and give up. By pushing away whatever you gave him he's trying to control the situation. Just leave whatever it was, don't hand it back to him countless numbers of times. 

Make sure Edward knows he controls how long he stays away from what he was doing. 

This is what makes this different from time out. The child controls when they get up and go about their business. But they have to be ready and calm.

I've had students where this last 2 seconds and they are back in control of their own emotions and last as long as 2 hours because the child wanted me to be frustrated by the fact they won't get up. 

When your child is ready ask about what happened. Ask them if they know why they had to take a break. When the child is involved they are 90% more likely to remember what happened. If they can identify what went wrong and how they can fix it let them go about their day as normal. If they can’t remind them in a calm even tone what happened and bring them back to area and repeat the process. 

This will work of you are consistent with it AND don't take everything your child does as a personal attack on you. 

Questions? Need advice? Email me at johnnygaga86@gmail.com

The disillusionment of holidays

As a child I was never a big fan of Halloween. In fact I can pinpoint exactly when the holiday lost what little allure it had for me. My twin brother was batman and I was cat woman and not once during trick or treating did anyone realize I wasn't just a boy dressed as a cat. It could also be that that night I dunked my tail into the toilet that turned me sour…

But I never loathed the holiday either. 

Regardless we can now add Halloween to the list of traditions Americans have ruined. 

I teach at a school that is virtually on top of where I went to school. It's the very Sam school my wrap around after school kids come from and today I was delivered some disturbing news. 

The elementary school I went to joined the rest of the moronic school systems and ban any and all costumes and thusly their costume parade. 

Apparently they still have a party and wearing a Halloween shirt is considered pushing the limits. 

I have seen this anti- costume trend slowly approach my community but I'll be damned if I can say honestly that I understand or how it benefits the children at all. 

What's a kindergartner going to do that would be so devastatingly tragic if dressed in costume?

The reasoning?  Some teachers believed it would disrupt the entire day. To which I say bullshit. 

It's a well known fact and tradition that children are going to want to celebrate different holidays. 

Also- the kids can't wear costumes to school because it might disrupt the day yet teachers assign common core homework that disrupts and invades the children's home life and free time. Is there no give and take?

Why do we as a society revel in the destruction of holidays and traditions. Remember when Black Friday had to be green Friday?  Or how white people have a never ending list of ridiculous other names for fear of upsetting black people?

Now I'm suppose to go to the store, get a pumpkin and paint the whole thing turquoise so parents and children will be given candy that's not free or (according to the news) give them toys instead? 

No. That won't be happening in this household. 

If you have a child with a food allergy it's you, parents, responsibility to be watch what they take and what they putt on their mouths. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm deathly allergic to almonds. I know food allergies are dangerous but I never once imposed my allergy to anyone or any function. 

If you're that concerned that your child will eat something they're mouth don't take them. How could anyone go door to door begging people to paint a pumpkin and give the children some cheap party toy? 

It won't be long before every holiday is effected and can no longer be celebrated. 

The education field has become poisoned by political correctness that isn't aimed at the actual problem. 

If those parents who believe Halloween should be restricted and in essence ruined because of all the variables involved put as much passion behind common core they could actually accomplish something worth accomplishing. 

Children stop being children on their very first day of school. It's not something we can give back to them after they graduate. Once it's gone it's gone. Wouldn't any good parent want their child to fully enjoy Halloween and share in that joy?

Halloween is for satanists!

We'd all be lying if we said what Halloween has become is what Halloween was when we were children. 

The excitement of finding the perfect costume of one of our favorite characters, getting to show it off at school, have a class party and when it got dark hit the streets to hopefully collect as much candy as possible to hold us over until Easter. 

Today the media has turned the idea of Halloween into a dangerous escapade where children are begging to be abducted and parents are putting their children directly in harms way so their child can start their journey of obesity and false teeth. 

What the hell happened?!

There will always be dangerous people freely willing to do the wrong, of not dangerous thing no matter what the occasion. That's why parents TAKE their child trick or treating. And, although sad, there things parents can do to prepare their child should anything happen. 

First- make sure you know what costume your child will be wearing. Seems obvious but from working in child care I know from previous experience that parents don't always pay attention. Like the time I had to dress a two year old as buzz lightyear and when I put the wings on him he tried running away from himself for a solid 5 minutes. 

If your child is going to be a really popular character make sure you take note of which variety of that character they are going to be. 

Last year was the year of Elsa. I saw at least 5 variants of this costume and all had subtle differences. 

A quick fix for spotting your child if they are a popular character? Go to a department store and buy neon duct tape. Cut four medium thickness strips. Place a strip on each arm and the back of each leg. As long as it's neon color your child most likely won't resist. 

Now let's get to what kids actually need to know to be safe. And sharing this knowledge with them won't make a difference in their safety if you don't go with them. 

Teach your child to accept what they receive. All of it. This way your child is with you going door to door embarrassing you about possible hazards. When you get home throw away any fresh fruit or home made edible treat or temporary tattoo. This “pranks” are the classics and instead of waiting around to see if they still happen just assume they are. 

Make sure your child knows their address and at least one phone number. You'd be surprised how many children don't know either. And make sure they know where they're trick or treating. Even if it's your own neighborhood, whether or not it's the afternoon or dark, everything is going to look different. 

Prepare and be honest about getting lost or separated. As I tell my students, the second you find out you're lost stop moving and take off your mask if you're wearing one. The most terrifying thing a child can do is try to find their parents in a moving crowd. 

My last piece of advice? LET YOUR CHILD BE A CHILD AND HAVE FUN! The school system takes that away from them at such an early age. 

Xoxo – Mr. John

The modern every day role model

Role models, be it for male or female children, is a concept I struggle with constantly as an educator. 

I don't have children of my own but if you know me you know I try to bring in as many things I'm interested in as I can, especially when it comes to music as I don't subscribe to patronizing music that,  if you listened to a strictly young child music artist, you'd realize for some reason children five and under have to have an assigned action to the songs or serve some form of purpose. They aren't taught to enjoy music for what it simply is. 

The pictures of the 4 women above are music artists I feel encapsulate the kind of people I'd want my child to look up to, male or female. 

I know. How on earth could Nicki Minaj be a role model to anyone?!

Try looking at her in a different way. She represents a strong woman. A woman who isn't afraid to share her opinions, if she wants it she takes it and, if you can give her some credit, she shows the world that she demands respect. 

Now I know what you're thinking. Her music is disgusting, in poor taste, is not suitable for young ears or eyes- to which I say bullshit. My mother allowed me to buy Lil’ Kim’s album (my first parental advisory CD.) the notorious K.I.M. If you think Nicki Minaj is explicit listen to Lil’ Kim’s album. 

That album made me feel more confident in myself. Her songs showed me I don't have to be treated the way I was in school and to want better for myself. 

Yeah, the album had more swear words than actual words but I didn't add those words to my vocabulary. A child doesn't know we, as a society have given words power and that some are considered bad unless we tell them. 

I feel Beyonce is also idol worthy. Yes, her last album had a parental advisory (a side of her we haven't seen or heard before) but it still has so much empowering songs. Pretty Hurts, off her latest album, is a perfect example. The message is a cautionary tale to young women about selling out or compromising their morals. That young women have power and are the most powerful when they are themselves. A stark breakaway from the messages magazines, reality tv, and other celebrities who have eating disorders to keep themselves unrealistically thin. 

I still know what you're thinking!! But you put Ariana Grande in the group of women you consider appropriate role models.

You bet I did! Ariana Grande is rail thin. I went to see her in concert and saw for myself (I adore her). But that's how she was born. She didn't choose it and constantly shares her insecurities about people saying she looks like a child. 

In a way this benefits young men and women by showing them that obese people aren't the only ones who get made fun of or have pressure put on them.

I also love that I can let her music play in the classroom instead of running around trying to find an amended version. 

Ariana Grande’s aesthetic is squeaky clean. She's always covered and when she wears a short dress like her famous black and white panel dress she wears spandex shorts. 

I saved Demi for last because not only did she get me through a tough time in my life but she is a huge spokesperson for mental health and in doing so debunking a lot myths or misconceptions about mental health. 

Does this mean anything to my students? No. But at least when I play her or watch a movie she's in you see a healthy looking young woman who has had her own struggles with her body. 

But Mr. John! She just posed naked in a magazine! I don't want my daughter or son aspire to be a whore!

Was I shocked she posed nude? Absolutely! Until I saw the pictures that had parents in an uproar. She didn't do it in a sexual or provocative way. She posed naked to let anyone know she is comfortable with her body and we should be with ours. She also didn't let the photographer enhance or airbrush the images. 

I recently watched an interview where she spoke about the photoshoot. One thing she said blew me away. She told the interviewer that she sees all photos of her twice. Once as they're being taken and before they go to print and she recently had a falling out with a photographer because he had photoshopped her to the high heavens and she demand they put her body back together the way it was. 

Truth be told though- if you're a parent who has their children as a top priority no matter who or how many stars come and go during your child growing up you're their number one role model. 

My mother is always a standard I hold myself to. I’d like to say I'm as much like her as I want to be but just by loving and supporting me she has taught me so much about what it means to be strong, to love myself and to never give up.

I will say there are a handful of celebrities I could never see being a role model. Miley Cyrus for example. In a half assed attempt at trying to bridge the gap between Disney and her former squeaky clean image she lost a lot of her fans. 

I'm all about self expression but self exploitation I can't stand for. She is one of the few artists banned from classroom. 

Before you try to erase your child’s idol take the time to see whoever it is and what message they are actually given.