This week served as proof that even I couldn't deny that I've made progress, am changing, and figuring out the puzzle that is bipolar disorder.
The person I was a year ago would've torn anyone who questioned my ability to care for and teach children to ribbons at any cost, even the cost of my job.
The person I am now was able to hold back all the venomous (albeit true) facts and observations that I would've spat just to hurt the other person.
It's much more difficult than people think to have interactions with people without acting like each and every differing opinion or disagreement is a world war and I'm the battle leader. I work hard to keep myself in check and when you have bipolar disorder sometimes it's impossible to know if you were successful at doing this.
You extend so much trust in the people around you to tell you the truth, good or bad. I guess I can't explain it any other way than a blind person trying to get dressed for a specific event left alone without help to try and figure out what he should wear.
Sometimes I miss the vicious person I would revert to at the slightest drop of negativity, and that part of me is alive and well, I held him back when I was attacked this week. I can see clearly now why that part of me really accomplishes nothing other than usually making the problem worse or making me feel good for a few hours.
Now I've got other weapons and strategies in my arsenal that actually work but most importantly I'm not hurting anyone I care about.
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