"We'll be brothers forever"

I know the reason I love the Jurassic Park franchise is because it represents my childhood. A time where anything seemed possible, even dinosaurs being brought back to life. 

I remember playing with my twin in our backyard. Sometimes we were hiding out and being chased by rogue dinosaurs and sometimes one of us was the dinosaur. Jurassic Park was also one of my first chapter books [ask my mom. I didn't have time for Dr. Seuss and all his non-sense]). 

My mom took my twin and I to Dinosaurs Alive! around the time the first Jurassic Park movie came out. We both loved it but I'll never forget my twin’s reaction to the T-Rex. He was horrified and I instinctively knew it wasn't the kid of fear you could just laugh at. Even though I wanted to stay while the life-like animatronic dinosaur finished its routine I took his hand and brought him to a quiet place. 

We grew up and things changed. 

He found his confidence and didn't need his twin to meet him in adjoining bathroom of the classroom to hold him until he could calm down and knew we'd see mom in a little while. He didn't need his twin as playmate when there were so many other boys in his class who wanted to play Power Rangers and there didn't even have to be a pink one. 

While these changes slowly crept up on both of us I didn’t realize that for as much as he needed me I needed him. But by the time I realized that the war on myself and my sexuality had started and I learned quickly not to trust anyone but my mother. 

I always catch flack from people for liking so many thing. I don't know why. Maybe their minds only have enough sections and room to hold on to a few interests at one time or (and I know this is true for some people) can't stand to see something make someone happy. 

But I held on to Jurassic Park because, yes I love dinosaurs and the books and the movies, it represents a time and space where I had a brother. Our relationship hadn't been tainted by my acting like a feral animal because I had grown use to most anyone approaching me doing so for horrible reasons, or later by his girlfriend choosing me as friend over him as a boyfriend. 

What I find ironic is the brothers is Jurassic World. It really almost makes it hard to watch. They reconnect, that invisible bond that makes them brothers is healed and they survive. 

My experience as a brother hasn't been in vain. Short, yes, but in retrospect taught me a lot. 

I had two boys in my class. I watched and observed like I usually do when I first get new students and I watched day after day as the older brother treated the other horribly. Taking advantage of the fact his brother was younger than him. 

One morning I had the older brother sit down with me as we ate breakfast. I asked “why do you treat your brother like crap?” I thought he was going to spit his yogurt all over me. Once he regained composure he said “I don't. He littler than me”. I took a bite out of my bagel and said “you do. You treat him like crap. He wants to play with you, you either literally push him away or find enough other children to play so he can't. You call him names and tell the other kids it's ok to call him names too”. The child put down his spoon and looked at me. “So? When we’re home he still wants to play with me and watch movies with me” 

I don't often look children directly in the eye. It's not considered dominant body language by just dogs. But I looked him right in the eyes and said, calmly “I was a brother once. Just like you. Now I'm not”. The student looked me up down trying to figure out why I was speaking in past tense. “Why not? Did your brother die?” He asked. “Nope. One day we both came home and he wanted nothing to do with me. He had finally had it and it was too late for me to undo it. And here I am telling you this 15 years later and he still won't have anything to do with me. So even if you aren't going to do it for yourself, try for me. Let him in on some of your games. Let him help you build that castle. Let him hug you while people are watching. Someday you're going to want him around, you're going to need him just like he needs you now. Don't screw that up forever”.